I wish I could just be me and not care about other people. I am constantly wishing I could be other people which isn't good at all. I can't seem to just be myself and have my own opinions or way of doing things, I always try to follow people instead of just stopping and asking myself if that's really what I want to be like.
For a long time now I've wanted to be like my friend Heather Lieber. She is so beautiful, is good at dancing and track, has amazing friends that she hangs out with all the time, she's an amazing singer, she has an older brother, and she's super nice and caring. I find I always compare myself to her subconsciously. Every Friday night, while I'm at home listening to a book and playing solitaire on my iPod for three hours straight or playing a million songs on the piano because I have nothing better to do, I always think about how she's probably having a sleep over at her friends and having a really good time and being a normal teenager.
I used to want to be like Megan Anderson because she's gorgeous and has just one little brother. All of the boys like her and she is always hanging out with her friends and having fun. She's really good at dancing and she's always so happy and smiley.
There are tons of other people I could list, like this one girl whose blog I just read about how much fun she had last Friday night and saying how they don't do normal teenage stuff on Friday nights. Her having fun and doing weird stuff with her friends is more normal than I can be. The only time I hang out with people is when I do night games with the other people my age in my ward before going back home and blocking everything out with my iPod.
I can't even have my own opinions. If my older sister Ashley tells me she likes something, then I like it too. If she doesn't, then I hate it. My little sister said she hated Owl City's music, so I asked Ashley if she likes it. She said yes, therefore I like Owl City just because I want to be like Ashley and I'm just used to adopting any opinions she has.
I wish I could just stop caring and not try to act like the other kids at school, because I don't like most of the kids at my school any way. I just want to be a normal teenager who hangs out with friends all the times and doesn't care what other people think because we're just having fun. When everyone thinks of Christmas break, they think of hanging out with friends. I think of sleeping, iPod time, piano time, and staying at home all day. Hanging out doesn't even cross my mind because I don't hang out with people very much any more.
I wish I could just be me and not care what other people think and not worry about feeling like a loser because everyone is talking about how they hung out with their big group of friends every day while I hid in my bedroom and listened to piano music on my iPod or a book.
The main reason I wanted a job at Lagoon was so that I could buy an iPod. Now that I have it, I don't care about the other $600 my Mom owes me. I got a 120 GB iPod so that I could stick a million movies, books, youtube videos, and songs on there. It helps me just relax and not care. Whenever I have to do chores I listen to it, if I had a bad day, I crawl into my bed and watch people playing the piano on it from youtube or listen to Disney songs or a book and play solitaire for the hundredth time. It's like a mind number and I'm addicted.
I wish that I didn't care that I did that, that I could just listen to my iPod and not care about what everyone else was doing, that I wasn't subconsciously comparing myself to them. I wish I could just be me and be happy like that.
For a long time now I've wanted to be like my friend Heather Lieber. She is so beautiful, is good at dancing and track, has amazing friends that she hangs out with all the time, she's an amazing singer, she has an older brother, and she's super nice and caring. I find I always compare myself to her subconsciously. Every Friday night, while I'm at home listening to a book and playing solitaire on my iPod for three hours straight or playing a million songs on the piano because I have nothing better to do, I always think about how she's probably having a sleep over at her friends and having a really good time and being a normal teenager.
I used to want to be like Megan Anderson because she's gorgeous and has just one little brother. All of the boys like her and she is always hanging out with her friends and having fun. She's really good at dancing and she's always so happy and smiley.
There are tons of other people I could list, like this one girl whose blog I just read about how much fun she had last Friday night and saying how they don't do normal teenage stuff on Friday nights. Her having fun and doing weird stuff with her friends is more normal than I can be. The only time I hang out with people is when I do night games with the other people my age in my ward before going back home and blocking everything out with my iPod.
I can't even have my own opinions. If my older sister Ashley tells me she likes something, then I like it too. If she doesn't, then I hate it. My little sister said she hated Owl City's music, so I asked Ashley if she likes it. She said yes, therefore I like Owl City just because I want to be like Ashley and I'm just used to adopting any opinions she has.
I wish I could just stop caring and not try to act like the other kids at school, because I don't like most of the kids at my school any way. I just want to be a normal teenager who hangs out with friends all the times and doesn't care what other people think because we're just having fun. When everyone thinks of Christmas break, they think of hanging out with friends. I think of sleeping, iPod time, piano time, and staying at home all day. Hanging out doesn't even cross my mind because I don't hang out with people very much any more.
I wish I could just be me and not care what other people think and not worry about feeling like a loser because everyone is talking about how they hung out with their big group of friends every day while I hid in my bedroom and listened to piano music on my iPod or a book.
The main reason I wanted a job at Lagoon was so that I could buy an iPod. Now that I have it, I don't care about the other $600 my Mom owes me. I got a 120 GB iPod so that I could stick a million movies, books, youtube videos, and songs on there. It helps me just relax and not care. Whenever I have to do chores I listen to it, if I had a bad day, I crawl into my bed and watch people playing the piano on it from youtube or listen to Disney songs or a book and play solitaire for the hundredth time. It's like a mind number and I'm addicted.
I wish that I didn't care that I did that, that I could just listen to my iPod and not care about what everyone else was doing, that I wasn't subconsciously comparing myself to them. I wish I could just be me and be happy like that.
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